All we need is love......

Shamefully, I have been neglecting my blog posts since September. I hadn't realized and this is terrible. So what could bring me back from such a hiatus? Love of course. I have lots to tell you about my art and theatre projects but that can wait. Today I want to honour all of the Valentines and lovers and those who are clasping their severed hearts in hope of better affairs. I give you poetry. Enjoy.

This one is new.....
.............................................................................

Orchids and Bees

........

I am the orchid

you are the bee

a pseudo-copulate analogy

I'll call out your brightness

a light that holds still

a whisper, a song

a longing, a will

a call and a will

a light that holds still

in the sun, in the rain

in the heat, in the pain

you are the light that holds still.

.........

I am the cloud

you are the rain

soaked in your spirit

I quench and refrain

I hope and refrain

I want and refrain

try not to refrain

in the sun, in the rain

with the heat, with the pain

when the light stretches thin

when the dark has moved in

I am left wanting, I mourn.

..........

Keep tails about windbreath

and eyes about face

there are cat calls all over

and barking moon howls

be a mammal, be a madman

why do mammaries

keep expanding

neverending

still pretending

message sending

false pretending

It's a tale of two pieces, a duel.

...........

Orchids and bees

and wants and needs

and searching and pleading

and hoping for meaning

above primal feeding

It's all so redeeming

to waken from sleeping

in breathing, in breathing

the stillness of leaving

the lost heat of passion

a moment in passing

there are no tears in flowers, only dew.

..................................................................................

In the Absence of You

............

In the absence of you

there is only hope

of life

better

of life

sweeter

held at the seams.

............

In the absence of you

there are whispers

longing

fibrous

nimble

softly speaking

felt not heard

whispers of song.

...........

In the absence of you

there are too many pieces

ragged, broken

moments

edges

closing in

words forgotten

remain unspoken.

...............

In the absence of you

there is nothing

pale tones

breath in

no marks to hold

no heart tick

in the absence of you

it is done.

...........................................................................

And some little ones......old......fragmented but still alive....

...........................................................................

I can see you frustrate

your lip turns blue

in abandonment of you

how do you escape yourself

so well?

..........................................................

You didn't have to drain me

you didn't have to squeeze

I had already fallen

when I was upon my knees.

.........................................................

if you knew

how the very sight

of you

could make me feel lost

within my soul

fighting for control

what would you do?

.........................................................

although it seems to me

to be

inadvertent sensibility

don't believe

all that you hear

I so intend

to keep you near

if folly bends

my wobbling heart

don't leave me

to pull my chest apart.

........................................................

somehow we missed it

we missed it together

we never missed anything

until now

people play games

to gain admiration

where was the humour

in this failure of mine

how do you need me

if needing is knowing

how do you want me

if wanting got lost

I feel my want thicken

my need is a lesson

seeping sorrow

heaping, harrowed

youth narrowed

a lesson indeed.

................................................

And yet, hope remains...... Happy Valentine's Day to the loved the loving, the hoping and the broken-hearted.

Facebook my Friend

So, in case you haven't noticed, I am a prolific Facebooker. I login anywhere from 4-12 times a day to check messages, send messages and update my status. Facebook has become as important a part of my daily communications as email and that is unlikely to change anytime soon. So why is Facebook so important to me? Why do I feel the need to broadcast my thoughts and feelings to several hundred 'friends' on a regular basis? Am I an addict, a sad lonely middle-aged has-been, a cyber slut? Well, yes to some of those (cyber slut in particular) but for the rest - no. So what makes me different from the thousands of other sad, pathetic souls who spend countless hours socialising on their computers? Quite a bit I think.

First of all, I am a writer. It's who I am and it's the label I most identify with. It's about as concrete as me being a woman and a mother. Facebook is without question, the most useful broadcasting tool I've had as a writer, performer and artist. I've met some of my best contacts via Facebook, done most of my best marketing via Facebook and have even gotten some pretty sweet freelance contracts via Facebook - no shit!

So for the sake of a good debate, I'm curious to know how much people think is too much when it comes to time spent on a networking site like Facebook. Since I actually put a value on every activity I partake in during a day, including the mundane, it's interesting to me that I feel so immensely comfortable putting a positive value on the time I spend on Facebook. So how much time in concentrated value do I actually spend there? Not nearly as much as one might think. For example, I'm not there now. I am however logged into my email from the moment I wake up in the moring and put a steaming cup of coffee to my lips. My email immediately starts loading up all of the messages and comments I have received from everywhere I belong online- including myspace, youtube, Facebook and this (my blog). And then I start responding. Some people might think this is a waste of time, but to me, it is work and I assure you that each and every time I post something on my Facebook status, I have put something of myself into it. It's like a mental exercise. Or, a series of mental exercises. Think about the person who writes in a journal (I do this too), only these are journal entries you share. And why not? I love reading other people's statuses. And, I like to think I'm in a slightly more interesting position than the pregnant ladies who talk about their cervixes and the people playing Bejewelled Blitz or Mafia Wars. Slightly. I don't participate in online chats or msn because I find these too distracting and I am actually working. I know this is a concept which is hard to accept, but just think of me as the salesman who has to take a client out to dinner and then calls it work. I am taking you all out to dinner!

But seriously, prolific use of anything to the point where it is labelled an addiction is a dangerous thing. And like most other subjects, I actually know quite a bit about addiction. So do I think I am addicted to Facebook? No, absolutely not - Cherry Blossoms maybe, but Facebook? Nope. And here's why. Aside from me considering my status updates to be actual work and all (snicker if you must), I have an average day which looks something like this:

I wake up at 6.30am and go to bed somewhere around 11.00pm. In between those two times, I have managed to look after my child, get her off to school fed, clothed and smiling, made at least two meals for the 9 people who live in my house, do my work, run any errands and socialise. I never leave my house wearing pajamas or looking like a heroin junkie. I dress well, look after myself and I think it shows. I'm a speed reader (no joke) and plow through anywhere from 10 -20 books a week. That doesn't include the newspapers, periodicals and magazines I like to sift through as well. I can hold a conversation without a hitch and have been told my company is very entertaining. If you haven't seen me perform on stage, you should. I work really hard not to let you down. I hate wasting time. I am confident, but not vain. And while I do enjoy the company of others, I often prefer my own. Did I mention I live in a house of 9 people? Anyway, I feel like I am making justification for something which doesn't require it, but there you have it. I make no apologies, read my statuses or don't, it's entirely up to you. I love a good debate, it's good for the brain. And this is a subject I could talk about all day long......

P.S. - It's true about the book, I am writing one, it's a fictional account of a lady's year of status updates, a bit like Bridget Jone's diary but for the web geek. And remember it's fiction, so if it ever does get published and you ever do read it and you see something which remarkably resembles something you wrote many moons ago on Facebook as a comment or a status, I made it all up. And you can speak with my lawyer.

Some interesting ads I found on Kijiji....

I'm online alot, in case you haven't noticed. I work here, look for stuff and sometimes I even find things I like. Here are some of my favourite ads found on the Halifax Kijiji site:

1. Naked Group (also by the same poster - Naked Friends): Just naked people hanging out together doing all kinds of regular stuf naked - naked baseball, naked barbeques, naked swims, naked PTA meetings, all naked, all the time. In theory, I don't have a problem with this, from what little I know about people who like to live naked, this practice is apparently non-sexual in nature. Unfortunately, it's also usually really ugly people who participate. And I'm not sure if I want to know whether my daughter's teacher has a birthmark under her left tit or my lawyer's bum looks like cottage cheese and don't even get me started on the weiners. You see, in my sexist mind, men's equipment is always visualised rigid and spear like and followed by loud grumbles of "I am Thor God of War!!" I don't want to see flaccid winkies when I'm reading the paper or making dinner. To be fair, I actually feel the same way about women's bits. I like that my bra prevents my breasts from looking like dying balloons and unless I'm in the Med, I don't want to see Grandma's baby feeders flopping about while she simulates a Bo Derek beach jog. So please, please say no to the Naked Group for the sake of all that is decent (and mysterious).

2. Build a Terrarium Workshop: There are people who will pay proper money to sit with someone (an 'expert') for hours while they learn to build a garden in a jar with moss, dirt, twigs and plastic fairies. Are you willing to pay $40.00 to stuff random crap in a recycled jar and call it a garden? Then this ad's for you. We're still stuck in the days of scrapbooking and rughooking. Do we actually need another boring hobby?

3. Pretty Lady Needs Money: No, I did not post that ad. This pretty 25 year old is in need of 'fast cash' and all offers and suggestions are welcome. Honey, you don't need suggestions, just clients.

4. Questions to Your Answers. Do you believe that what you believe is really real?: Pardon me? Well actually, yes. I do believe that what I believe is really real. So obviously this group is not for me. It's for the people who don't believe in the things they believe in or who wonder if the things they believe in are really things or can be believed. Confused? Me too.

5. I Am Looking For Unwanted Items: Great. I have a neon sock (left foot) with a hole near the big toe area, a half used box of Q-tips (they hurt when you don't use them right) and a bag of Quality Street wrappers I was going to make a collage out of but frankly can't be arsed. Sounds like a win/win situation to me.

6. Do You Want to Learn the Chinese Peacock Dance?: Actually, yes.

7. Have You Had an Unusually Sinful Summer? We're Not Here to Judge.: While I kind of believe that Josie May and Billy Sue might not judge my especially sinful summer if I promise to repent, I'm a bit more supicious of the angry guy upstairs. I still have the scars from my lightening burn. Is there a time limit on this offer?

8. Wanted - Skookum Pully: Huh?

9. Personals: Bad. All of them. I was only there for research. Really. If you want to skip the dating process altogether and even the foreplay, there are apparently enough horny people in Halifax willing to give you their hotel room number, a meeting time and only ask that you bring the lube. Nice.

Two Hands are not enough....

I just realized that I haven't written any blog updates for a while - like a month! So, in order to keep things fresh, I am here to update and enlighten. Lately, most of my blogging happens on Facebook. I have a secure audience of 300 and something friends who I can bombard regularly with my happenings. There is nowhere for them to hide and the only escape is to remove me from their friend list. This is something which terrifies me more than I should probably admit as I would see it as the ultimate rejection, being a self-depracating adn vain person. However, the flip side of that statement is that truthfully, you should only want to keep the friends who are interested in what you have to say, no matter how annoying or insane - right? I am a prolific Facebooker, I virtually live there and obsessively check everyone's status's regularly to see who posts the most interesting or controversial ones. I know of at least three other people who regularly post more exciting, humourous and stimulating statuses than my own, but I'm reluctant to tell you their names in case you stop reading mine. Did I mention that I am vain?

I've not been Twittering as much as I should. I recently read that many stand-up comics are using Twitter to post new jokes and one-liners as it's a great way for them to try out new work. Truthfully, I'm trying out new work on my Facebook friends all the time and taking notes and making graphs and charts and hiring nerds to qualify the data. It's like a full time job and I'm hoping it will pay in dividends eventually....hopefully before Facebook is replaced by an even more addictive social networking site and then I will have to start all over again.

I'm still looking for work, preferably some freelance work....writing as it would allow me to work from home on my wizzy little laptop which I refer to as 'my third eye'. I'm kind of an anti-social recluse which I know goes against the vain, exibitionist persona I put out to the public on a daily basis, but truthfully I enjoy my own company more than I fear is healthy. This is most likely the main reason why I am still single. I can't find anyone I like better than myself, or even close. A hypothetical conversation might look something like this:

Me: Hey, I just got asked out on a date while at the supermarket...some hot beefy guy named Biff.

Me: Hmmmm. Are you sure you want to go out on a date with a guy named Biff?

Me: Well, why not? The name's not important, I mean he's a Man, a real Man with legs and everything and more importantly, he asked me out!

Me: Yeah, but does he have a wizzy little laptop and endless supply of Cherry Blossoms? You know that you'll have to dress in something sexy, you won't be able to wear your stretchy pants on a date with Biff and he might want you to jog or spot him at the gym. If you go to a restaurant and he's paying, you'll have to sit with him no matter how bad it gets, listening to him drivvle on about how buff he is and how lucky you are that he had the spare time to ask you out because he is one hot commodity. And if he has kids, you'll become an instant Stepmother which I realize is kinda like splitting hairs because you've got a kid, but do you really want to go there. And what if he smells bad, you know you're really not very good at hiding your disgust at things like bad smells and funky teeth and pigeon toes and well, the list goes on and on....

Me: Alright, I get your point!! Maybe this dating thing isn't for me. So, what are your plans tonight?

Me: Well, I thought you and I could snuggle on the couch, watch some reality TV and you can play on that wizzy laptop.

Me: Wow, you really know how to sweet talk a girl.

Me: I know. Cherry Blossom?

So there you have it. Everything you need to know about me in a few lines. Now please don't remove me from your Facebook friends list. It's all I have.

Setting the Pace

Well, it's been a bit of a crazy month in Halifax. I'm still searching for that elusive provider of security, money and hopefully some happiness known as the 'job'. It seems a lot has changed since I last lived in Halifax and that my imaginings of walking into a great job and into the waiting arms of my future employer who was going to kiss me gently on the forehead and thank me for joining their team were slightly outside of the scope of reality. Reality is much more like this:

I search for jobs for which I am qualified and have ample experience and solid references. I tailor cover letters and applications for said jobs. I apply for jobs. I hear nothing back. I make enquiries - by phone, by email. People don't respond. I search for auditions for acting jobs for which I am qualified and have ample experience and solid references. I go to auditions. I hear nothing back. I get enquiries about my interest in attending future auditions. I respond. I hear nothing back. These are the types of scenarios for which the 'bitchslap' was invented.

It royally sucks that there is a wall of indifference from potential employers about responding to correspondence and phone calls. It is unprofessional. If you ask me to call you and I do or email you and I do and then I never hear from you, you are an idiot. Simple. And, in my experience this scenario didn't happen to the same degree in England. Progression, not regression people! There, rant over. I feel better, and can resume telling you about the good things that have happened..

I did audition for Neptune Theatre's company. I was happy with the audition, although I can't say I understand the ethos behind open auditions for no show in particular, where you prepare a classical and comtemporary monologue. I would much rather audition for a particular show. I'm not about to do Hamlet anytime soon. Actually my monologue was from Electra, but I'm not about to do that show either. I would rather audition something of my own. But there you have it. No call, assuming I'm not what they wanted. Not belonging to ACTRA, another pain in my ass. I may write something about it yet. I'm still hoping to audition for one or both of the dinner theatres as that is much more my area - live comedy, anxious audience.

I recently performed at Harmony Bazaar in Lockeport (Sat. July 25). This festival of women and song is four years running and I decided to take a stab at storytelling for children using a number of stories and rhyming children's verse I wrote years ago. It was great, so wonderful to be in front of an audience again and great to do something on my own.

Things are progressing rapidly on the Sam and Dave front back in England. Although jobless, I'm determined to get back in November for what is likely to be about 12 shows now. Aside from the Exeter Autumn Festival, the sketch show is now scheduled to be performed during the Hull Comedy Festival at the beginning of November alongside some big name acts including Al Murray. I'm thrilled, but will have to start raising funds soon!

Now I just need to get things moving from this end. I've made some enquiries about doing comedy work with new people but I'm not used to being laid back or allowing things to move in slow motion. I may just have to go it alone! What a frightening thought.

I'm planning to continue with open mike performances and have found some regular events being held at local libraries and a group called Word iz Bond which regularly host poetry slam nights.

I'm still writing regularly and have one young adult book which will be finished in final draft by the end of August called The Queen of Cumberdone Bligh. This was ten years in the making (on and off) so the relief will be grand. Next step - find a publisher!

Welcome Home Eh!

OK, well I made it to Canada safely. It's taken me a bit of time to get my Atlantic legs back and I'm only just starting to feel settled. My intention was to write an update before leaving England, but it was too hectic, so to recap...

The Temple of Nothing's preview of Women are Revolting was held at the Exeter Phoenix Bar on 18th June. It was fabulous. This was the first time I had performed any of my own poetry and I had the opportunity to do two from my larger body of work called the Book of You: Chapter 2 (Define Definition) and Chapter 3 (I am Eve). The event was recorded and the wonderful Belinda, Belinda, Belinda of Big Brother 9 fame and one of the founding members of the Temple of Nothing has edited some wonderful snippets of performances from the night which are making their way across youtube and facebook. Great stuff!

I was able to do some filming with Sam and Dave for their new mockumentary: The Making of the Sam and Dave Show which will be premiered during their live show at the Exeter Autumn Festival. This is going to be a great show. The more time I spend with them, the better the work is and they are at the top of their game now. It's fabulous.

I'm trying to do as much early networking in Halifax as possible, laying the groundwork for future work, writing, performances and meeting some fabulous people in the local arts scene. I also have an audition with Neptune Theatre for their company on Monday and will be scrambling in a blind panic to learn my two monologues by then. But, if I want it, I've got to show them the goods. Let's hope the goods are good enough!!

I will try to make my entries more frequent now that I'm settling in and having more news to report. Let's hope the sun comes out soon, this is more like English weather!

Shifting Gears...

Long time, no blog! Lots to report though...

I've been trying to perform as much as possible before moving back to Canada. On the 20th May, Sam and Dave and Barefaced Cheek performed with the Untitled Theatre at the Havana Club, Exeter. We had a great night with lots of other wonderful comedy performers. Paul Jackson, the ex Head of Comedy at ITV and producer of TV legends such as Red Dwarf was in the audience and seemed to be enjoying himself very much. I do regret not having an opportunity to ask him whether he enjoyed our sketches, but seeing him laugh is probably credit enough. There were stand-up acts, sketches, film and the fabulous comedy singer Will Page who I am trying to convince to bring his unique, original and hilarious act to Halifax. We will see....

I've also been performing at Open Mike sessions in Exeter, most recently the Open Mike at the Bamboo Gardens with Sam Morgan (1/2 of Sam and Dave). There wasn't much of a crowd, but we gave them the two Pet Corner sketches and they seemed rather grateful, if not a little amused! As is sometimes the case after Pet Corner, I found myself faced with an amorous admirer. This reaction only ever comes from those two sketches and it's sometimes rather frightening! It's an act people, I'm not actually a perverted pet show host who likes to molest herself!

Sam and Dave's radio show has been on almost every week, rotating on Soundart, Phonic FM and The Source. The show is picking up quite a cult following and in my opinion it gets better and better. The next one is this Saturday 7pm on Soundart, Totnes.

I submitted my short play In Other Words to the Big Read at the Exeter Northcott, a programme which encouraged original play submissions with a selection being chosen for rehearsed readings at the theatre. There were 75 entries and 6 were chosen for performance. Although mine wasn't one of the chosen few, I did receive some very helpful feedback from the selection panel which will help me to restructure and further develop my play, I hope. I thought this was a wonderful opportunity and I certainly hope the Northcott continues to foster local writers through other programmes in the future. I know two of the selected playwrights and although I missed the readings, I'm sure we'll be seeing great things from both of them in the future. Congratulations to Robert Garnham, Jim Sadler and the other selected writers.

Next week I will be performing my poem I Am Eve along with the Temple of Nothing's preview performance of Women Are Revolting at the Exeter Phoenix Bar (18th June). I'm also working on two audio/film elements but not certain they will be ready for next week!

My last performance in the UK will be on Saturday, 20th June in Plymouth for a charity event being run by a friend of Sam Morgan's. We will be performing some sketches and helping them to raise money for a worthwhile African charity and sponsored climb up Mount Kilimanjaro.

I have further plans to return in November to perform with Sam and Dave in a live version of their comedy sketch show (with audio and filmed sketches as well). There will be 4 shows and they will be taking place at the Exeter Phoenix during the Exeter Autumn Festival. Following that, I am hoping to raise enough money to bring the Sam and Dave Show to Halifax for the Atlantic Fringe Festival in 2010. If I can convince Will Page to join the production, I think Halifax will be in store for a real English treat.

I'm hoping to post another blog entry before leaving England for my homeland. Bye for now! x