I just realized that I haven't written any blog updates for a while - like a month! So, in order to keep things fresh, I am here to update and enlighten. Lately, most of my blogging happens on Facebook. I have a secure audience of 300 and something friends who I can bombard regularly with my happenings. There is nowhere for them to hide and the only escape is to remove me from their friend list. This is something which terrifies me more than I should probably admit as I would see it as the ultimate rejection, being a self-depracating adn vain person. However, the flip side of that statement is that truthfully, you should only want to keep the friends who are interested in what you have to say, no matter how annoying or insane - right? I am a prolific Facebooker, I virtually live there and obsessively check everyone's status's regularly to see who posts the most interesting or controversial ones. I know of at least three other people who regularly post more exciting, humourous and stimulating statuses than my own, but I'm reluctant to tell you their names in case you stop reading mine. Did I mention that I am vain?
I've not been Twittering as much as I should. I recently read that many stand-up comics are using Twitter to post new jokes and one-liners as it's a great way for them to try out new work. Truthfully, I'm trying out new work on my Facebook friends all the time and taking notes and making graphs and charts and hiring nerds to qualify the data. It's like a full time job and I'm hoping it will pay in dividends eventually....hopefully before Facebook is replaced by an even more addictive social networking site and then I will have to start all over again.
I'm still looking for work, preferably some freelance work....writing as it would allow me to work from home on my wizzy little laptop which I refer to as 'my third eye'. I'm kind of an anti-social recluse which I know goes against the vain, exibitionist persona I put out to the public on a daily basis, but truthfully I enjoy my own company more than I fear is healthy. This is most likely the main reason why I am still single. I can't find anyone I like better than myself, or even close. A hypothetical conversation might look something like this:
Me: Hey, I just got asked out on a date while at the supermarket...some hot beefy guy named Biff.
Me: Hmmmm. Are you sure you want to go out on a date with a guy named Biff?
Me: Well, why not? The name's not important, I mean he's a Man, a real Man with legs and everything and more importantly, he asked me out!
Me: Yeah, but does he have a wizzy little laptop and endless supply of Cherry Blossoms? You know that you'll have to dress in something sexy, you won't be able to wear your stretchy pants on a date with Biff and he might want you to jog or spot him at the gym. If you go to a restaurant and he's paying, you'll have to sit with him no matter how bad it gets, listening to him drivvle on about how buff he is and how lucky you are that he had the spare time to ask you out because he is one hot commodity. And if he has kids, you'll become an instant Stepmother which I realize is kinda like splitting hairs because you've got a kid, but do you really want to go there. And what if he smells bad, you know you're really not very good at hiding your disgust at things like bad smells and funky teeth and pigeon toes and well, the list goes on and on....
Me: Alright, I get your point!! Maybe this dating thing isn't for me. So, what are your plans tonight?
Me: Well, I thought you and I could snuggle on the couch, watch some reality TV and you can play on that wizzy laptop.
Me: Wow, you really know how to sweet talk a girl.
Me: I know. Cherry Blossom?
So there you have it. Everything you need to know about me in a few lines. Now please don't remove me from your Facebook friends list. It's all I have.
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