I'm online alot, in case you haven't noticed. I work here, look for stuff and sometimes I even find things I like. Here are some of my favourite ads found on the Halifax Kijiji site:
1. Naked Group (also by the same poster - Naked Friends): Just naked people hanging out together doing all kinds of regular stuf naked - naked baseball, naked barbeques, naked swims, naked PTA meetings, all naked, all the time. In theory, I don't have a problem with this, from what little I know about people who like to live naked, this practice is apparently non-sexual in nature. Unfortunately, it's also usually really ugly people who participate. And I'm not sure if I want to know whether my daughter's teacher has a birthmark under her left tit or my lawyer's bum looks like cottage cheese and don't even get me started on the weiners. You see, in my sexist mind, men's equipment is always visualised rigid and spear like and followed by loud grumbles of "I am Thor God of War!!" I don't want to see flaccid winkies when I'm reading the paper or making dinner. To be fair, I actually feel the same way about women's bits. I like that my bra prevents my breasts from looking like dying balloons and unless I'm in the Med, I don't want to see Grandma's baby feeders flopping about while she simulates a Bo Derek beach jog. So please, please say no to the Naked Group for the sake of all that is decent (and mysterious).
2. Build a Terrarium Workshop: There are people who will pay proper money to sit with someone (an 'expert') for hours while they learn to build a garden in a jar with moss, dirt, twigs and plastic fairies. Are you willing to pay $40.00 to stuff random crap in a recycled jar and call it a garden? Then this ad's for you. We're still stuck in the days of scrapbooking and rughooking. Do we actually need another boring hobby?
3. Pretty Lady Needs Money: No, I did not post that ad. This pretty 25 year old is in need of 'fast cash' and all offers and suggestions are welcome. Honey, you don't need suggestions, just clients.
4. Questions to Your Answers. Do you believe that what you believe is really real?: Pardon me? Well actually, yes. I do believe that what I believe is really real. So obviously this group is not for me. It's for the people who don't believe in the things they believe in or who wonder if the things they believe in are really things or can be believed. Confused? Me too.
5. I Am Looking For Unwanted Items: Great. I have a neon sock (left foot) with a hole near the big toe area, a half used box of Q-tips (they hurt when you don't use them right) and a bag of Quality Street wrappers I was going to make a collage out of but frankly can't be arsed. Sounds like a win/win situation to me.
6. Do You Want to Learn the Chinese Peacock Dance?: Actually, yes.
7. Have You Had an Unusually Sinful Summer? We're Not Here to Judge.: While I kind of believe that Josie May and Billy Sue might not judge my especially sinful summer if I promise to repent, I'm a bit more supicious of the angry guy upstairs. I still have the scars from my lightening burn. Is there a time limit on this offer?
8. Wanted - Skookum Pully: Huh?
9. Personals: Bad. All of them. I was only there for research. Really. If you want to skip the dating process altogether and even the foreplay, there are apparently enough horny people in Halifax willing to give you their hotel room number, a meeting time and only ask that you bring the lube. Nice.
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